Yeah I know it’s getting hard to follow this novel but I’m a cat and it aint easy typing with these paws and most of the time I’m too busy sleeping or protecting my turf to get any writing done. Plus I’m bloody lazy! Anyways this is not one of my official lives, just another side-track of the life of Will I Am – that’s me! As a reminder so far my lives have been 1) A tree, 2) A checker board. Now strap yourself in and hear about how I was a zombie cat for a brief period in my life.
It all began at the home of my current servants, you’ve heard about them – they’re pretty good apart from the fat ginger who has hart of gold but farts too much! Anyways, it began with watching some bad TV. You know what they say when you get to close to the telly, yep same thing happens when you fiddle with yourself too much, you can turn into a Zombie or does it mean you’ll get square eyes, or maybe you’ll go blind. Anyways let’s not ruin my creative prose – let’s just say it resulted in ZOMBIE WILLIAM (as you can see from the photo).
‘Bad TV can turn you into zombie’ Will I Am
Initially the bad TV started with what seemed like the 24th season of Masterchef. For starters it looked like George had lost half of Garry or Garry had eaten half of George. While I recognised their faces the transitions from last season would turn any cat into the walking dead! Then came a cast of people who can’t cook and are a complete pain the arse. I wouldn’t have been shocked if the dish of the day was Braised Steak & Onions (from a tin) on toast with a lightly fried egg placed on top with a blade of grass for garnish…sheesh old Willbags could put up a better dish than those losers. So after stupidly watching each night to see if someone could cook or Matt would eat the hind leg of a contestant cause he’d run out of grub I collapsed in a heap – arse up without any dignity!
After a long recovery period in a Zombie Rehab Centre – in Block ABC, who specialise in TV zombified patients, I began the slow recovery. I was weaned off watching shows like The Farmer Needs A Wife and that show where fat bastards lose weight and still look fat in the finale. One of the side-effects of the drugs was bright green eye syndrome.
There is some other stories to tell you about the period of my life as a Zombie cat but I can’t be arsed as my paws are aching, I mean geez Louise that word count must be nearly 300, that’s taken me 3 days to type you know! So if wanna find out how I got back to my Deadly Gorgeous Self tune in next week.!